Conversations in My Head

  Disclaimer: I think, it would really help if you read this in a dark and quiet place. Sorry. Thank you!

Everything is so tranquil in this place, it is dark and quiet. You conjure a spark of light with all your potency. It just floats gently around you letting you see parts of yourself that you’ve never taken notice before. At quite a distance, you can see low gleaming light and you start to walk towards it guided by your spark. You get closer and closer, a gentle tune of music hits your ears like a breeze. You feel your heart pump faster. You continue to walk towards the sound, still unsure of what awaits you. You get there and there is a beautiful little place with a fire growing old in the middle, but you’re sure that it is not the color of the fire you are used to. It is has a faint light just like your little spark that has guided you over which just floated and added to the burning fire. There is a woman writing by the fire. You are not sure if you should ask her about the place. You feel like she is very interested in whatever she is writing and there is a beautiful sense of peace surrounding her. You are nervous. You take in a deep breath and suddenly you feel a tap on your shoulder and you jump but you couldn’t hear yourself scream. You turn around and only to find the same woman standing by you. You’re shivering now. The woman smiles at you and says, “There is no reason to panic; you’re only in the author’s totality.” You are still unsure of her dual presence and you have so many questions.

“What do you mean the author’s totality?” you ask.

She smiles at you again and goes on, “It is a gift of the connection in your reading.”

“How does that affect anything?”

“Writing is only a monologue seeking a real connection and in cases where readers like you are very much into it, you could feel yourselves retracing my steps along the way. It is a beautiful thing, to be able to relate to people’s experiences. It just resonates and makes you understand, you’re not the only one going through a feeling.”

“How... Umm... how are you present as two bodies simultaneously?”

“There is a part of me in every character I create. Qualitatively. My characters are just reflections of a part of me or what I wish to be or not to be. I put my heart and soul in to creating a character and eventually, I give a part of my life to each.”

It all makes so much sense to you. But, we are not always very accepting of a parallel reality.

“But, how am I lost in this? This is not Jumanji or anything.”

She chuckles mildly and says, “You’re not lost, dear. You’re merely wandering in the streets of an alternate reality offering you an escapade far from the omnipresent chaos in your actual reality.”

She motions her hands to a gesture and says, “Let’s walk, shall we?”

You nod and smile meekly, you’re still slightly nervous. But, you are quite convinced by her answers. So, you walk with her.

A soft breeze caresses your face as you walk away from the fire. The faint ball of light appeared again and now, there were two. It appeared brighter than before, you feel. You hear the sand crunch under your feet as you walk and you feel, the silence between the two of you is not awkward like it had been usually with other people.

“Yes. Silence is something that opens your heart and your mind at the same time. You’re as vulnerable as ever under the moonlit sky in silence. It is the most beautiful setting in life; it’s a place of rehab for the soul.” She breaks the silence, appreciating it.

“How… Ugh. I might as well not ask you. You could just answer it anyway.”

She laughs. “It’s always special when I know you understand it in the way I meant it. It’s a very different kind of relationship. It is purely based off of words that make us connect internally and when I say, “My kind of party is me, myself, the moon and the stars”, I could feel you emote the feeling in your heart and see you smile as you visualize and relive your own experience of the same. That little moment of putting a smile on your face, that is happiness and fulfillment for me. Sometimes, it is that and other times, it is putting a realization of something you might not have looked at in a different perspective.”

“Well, I’ve got one word for you. Show off!”

Smiling, she says, “It’s not that I want to show off or it’s not that I have completely figured you out. It’s just that the gifting of little moments of delight in a person’s life or giving them a beautiful life lesson that I have realized or helping them with words of positivity gives more meaning to my own life.”

“So, you’re basically selfish.”

“You could look at it that way as well.”

“Is there another perspective that you’d like to offer?”

“No! I think it is great to be selfish if it helps you help the people around you.”

Lost in the conversation, we walked quite a long way onto a cliff. We step over to the edge and from the magnificent view under the sky, we could see a lot of faint floating lights around the wandering inquisitive individuals walking with a lot of thoughts and questions and then there were the flaming fires where people were camping together, helping each other and happiness prevailed.

She says, “I visited a lot of people by the fire like you. Each one of them had a different perspective but the one thing that was constant in the people was the passion to raise the quality of human emotions. We humans are blessed with such beautiful qualities but often we fall prey to our jealousy, greed, and ego. It’s very important to let go of such. We are all going die at some point in time and by then it is important that we leave a part of us by the fire for the next generation of inquisitive, sensible humans. I’m not saying we are better. I’m only saying they need a stronger core character to do good in the world beyond the rising amount of anger, hatred, and greed in society. It is amazing that we still have so many potential positive fires floating around. It gives me so much hope and happiness. Hope is all that we have now and it is high time that we do our part to better our hopes for the dreamer that comes after.”

This hit me so hard that I woke up drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. I calmed myself down a bit and I hastily wrote this down. We humans are definitely capable of much higher standards and it is important that we overcome our insecurities and accept people as they are, and to educate, and help each other get to the same place and it is imminent that we do it as quickly as possible because the good things in the world take so much time for people to realize unlike the bad.

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Hey, guys! Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I thought only people who know me well did read my work. But, thanks to some of those souls who have made some advertising for me in their circles and helping me reach a few more people with my ideas. I hope you liked it!

If we are meeting for the first time, I’m Nandha. I’m not a spectacular person with any superpowers or even amazing grammar. I just write what feels right from the bottom of my heart. Do drop a comment, if you think it was worthy of the few minutes of your invaluable time.

Thank You!

Have a great day!