We, Validation and Vulnerability

    We are all afraid of being judged. We all have the need for validation. We all want to be accepted. To accomplish that, we hide our true selves behind a false persona. At our workplace, in school, at a party or wherever it may be, we just try to blend in. Our sole objective is to be accepted and to be connected with people. Well, hiding our true self is definitely not the way to achieve it.

    I’d like to take you through one of my experiences. I was travelling with a group of my friends on a one-day trip. We had hired a tourist bus for it. While we were travelling, I had my earphones plugged in and I was observing the people around. I do that when I’m bored. It’s like a real-time movie; Listening to the music playing in the background, and watching a person’s activities go along with it. Sometimes, it is really beautiful. Sometimes, it cracks me up. You should try it if you have not.

    So, on this particular day, I was observing one of my friends. She was not very close to me and she was quite a reserved person. I’m always interested in a person who is very silent in a not so silent environment. I feel that they have a lot more maturity and experience than the others around. It’s just something I learnt from my time and it may not be correct always. So, she had her earphones plugged in and she was very still. I couldn’t put those things together. I mean, while listening to music, you either sing along or sway around or tap your feet or at least have your head nodding to the tunes. Even when you’re lost in thought there is an occasional display of such nature. I have observed her do the same previously too. Naturally, I was curious. So, I asked her the next time I had a conversation with her. She replied that “Already people make fun of me. I don’t want to give them another reason for that.” I just said, “Umm… okay. Just try not to mind that and enjoy yourself.” I respect her and her opinion. But, this incident has always stuck to my heart. Is validation this crucial to us? Is being one among the crowd that important to us?
 

    Why are we afraid of being attached to someone? Why are we afraid of being ourselves? Why are we afraid of being vulnerable?

 

    We always figure it for a weakness. We are all afraid of being hurt. We are all afraid of that something which would affect our otherwise yet imperfect life. We expect people to be honest and open to us. But, we are afraid to be like that. Despite of the things we do people are going to judge us. We have to let go and stop trying to control how others see us. This is the basic requirement.

The best way is to accept and love our own imperfect selves. We should start by being kind and compassionate to ourselves because the way we treat ourselves is how we will treat others. Do not try to be Batman because Gotham deserves him, since we cannot live up to the expectations. Be yourself. Be your own authentic self. When we accept ourselves, the voice of validation that we want to hear to accomplish anything will be only one. That one voice will be our own. This eradicates all the anxiety of being judged and fear of rejection. We will be content with our own selves.

    These little changes within ourselves make us open up to a whole new experience of the same old world. We are more compassionate to the people around us. It gives us the mental state of being willing to do something even when there are no guarantees like helping out people, to commit ourselves to a relationship. It allows us to be more connected to the people we love. We will then crave for deep conversations. Anything we try to do, we will try to accomplish it our fullest potential. We possess the ability to love someone wholly even with the knowledge that they could hurt us. It gives us courage.

    When we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt and from experiencing pain, we unknowingly keep ourselves distant from falling in love and admiring the real beauty in people. A conversation which is just small talk is not what binds to people. A conversation which is personal and where we open up and share the authentic us to the other person, now, that is beautiful. Also, it creates an invisible bond between the hearts of the two people involved in the conversation. Small talk will not give great happiness unless you’re a high school kid who just said ‘hi’ to your crush. A deep conversation keeps you involved. It takes you places you have never been to. The speaker is showing you a part of his life. This is just like where Harry could feel glimpses of what Voldemort was feeling, because of the scar which he gave Harry. The person sharing their experience is vulnerable to you because their experiences are valuable and personal. To you as a listener after listening to their experiences, just like the scar it leaves an impression on you. Some of the lessons you take can give you a whole new perspective of looking at things and some might not affect you on any level. The point is both of you are vulnerable to each other with the trust that either of you will hurt the other. That is the beauty of a good conversation. I crave for such conversations.

    When we are open to heartbreak and other painful circumstances life could throw our way. It helps us to accept ourselves. We can look beyond our pride and ego. We can understand the value of other people in our lives. We realize the importance of the relationships we have and we make every day. So, we are open to admitting the mistakes that we make and apologize or thanking people for taking the efforts to help us in any way. In all, it makes our lives better in any way imaginable.

    Let us understand that the only voice of validation that we require is our own. Let us break down our barriers and be vulnerable to experience the joy and sorrow that life brings to us. Where vulnerability is love and compassion follow. That is where the real beauty of the heart lies.

“Vulnerability is the core of all emotions. To feel is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to be alive.”

Cheers! Have a happy life!

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Hey, guys! Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I thought only people who know me well did read my work. But, thanks to some of those souls who have made some advertising for me in their circles and helping me reach a few more people with my ideas. Hope you like it!

If we are meeting for the first time, I’m Nandha. I’m not a spectacular person with any superpowers or even amazing grammar. I just write what feels right at the bottom of my heart. Do drop a comment, if you think it was worth the few minutes of your invaluable time.

Thank You!

Have a great day!

Originally published on : http://theeditingstartup.in/article/we-validation-and-vulnerability/